Excerpts from films I appreciate
This is what to do if your boss isn't satisfied with your work
INT. BOSS'S OFFICE - DAY
Jack steps into the open doorway and lightly knocks against the frame.
Boss looks up from his large, expensive desk.
JACK
We need to talk.
BOSS
Okay. Where to begin? With your constant absenteeism? With your
unpresentable appearance? I might as well tell you now -- you're going
to be put up for review.
This next line *NOT* in V.O.:
JACK
I Am Joe's Complete Lack Of Surprise.
Boss sits up in his seat, becoming enraged.
JACK
Let's pretend. You're the Department of Transportation. And you knew
that our company intentionally left a front seat mounting bracket that
never passed collision tests? Did nothing about leather seats -- that
were cured in third world countries with a chemical we know causes
birth defects? Brake linings that fail after a thousand miles.
Turbochargers that blow up and cut off legs at the knees. Fuel
injectors that burn people alive. All of these accidents where "cause
of failure" is stamped "unknown". I know where the bodies are buried.
Call it job security.
BOSS
Just who the fuck do you think you are?! Get out of here! You're
fired!
JACK
I've got a better idea. You're going to keep me on payroll as an
outside consultant. In exchange for my salary, I'll perform the task
of not telling anyone what I know. I won't need to come into the
office. I can do this job from home. Call it early retirement, with
pension.
Boss stands, moves around his desk, glaring with rage.
JACK
Yes, I am shit and crazy, to you and this whole fucking world, but I'm
your responsibility.
Jack PUNCHES HIMSELF in the nose. Blood starts to trickle down. He
punches himself in the jaw, harder. He throws himself back, acting as
if the force of the punch knocked him. His back SLAMS against a framed
painting and SHATTERS the glass. He and the frame and the glass and
the painting fall to the floor.
JACK (V.O.)
I Am Joe's Smirking Revenge.
JACK
Please don't hit me again. Please.
Jack gets back to his feet and punches himself in the stomach, then
punches himself in the jaw again. He reels backwards and falls into a
hanging shelf, ripping it off the wall, sending it's contents flying.
He falls to the floor again.
JACK (V.O.)
For some reason, I thought of my first fight -- with Tyler.
Jack crawls along the carpet toward Boss, dripping blood. He tries to
keep up the act, but he sporadically GIGGLES. He grabs Boss's leg.
JACK
Please...give me the paychecks like I asked for. You won't see me
again. You won't have any trouble.
Jack climbs up Boss's leg. Boss, aghast, tries to shake him off, and,
in doing so, stumbles back in to his desk, knocking off photos, stacks
of paper, paperweights.
JACK (V.O.)
Under and behind and inside everything this man took for granted,
something horrible had been growing.
Jack crawls up high enough to grab Boss's belt and hoist himself up
further. He's getting blood all over the Boss's clothes. Jack SMUDGES
blood from his face onto the knuckles of both Boss's hands. The
horrified man SCREAMS.
JACK (V.O.)
And right then, at our most excellent moment, security guards decided
to walk in.
Two SECURITY GUARDS come inside and gape at the sight. Behind them
stands a crowd of curious workers, also taking in the sight.
JACK (gurgling blood)
Please don't hit me again.
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